^ 



PS 1378 jjo FLAYS EXCHAiraED, 

.C69 U6 
Copy 1 



[15 CENTS. 

\ 



THK ACTING DRAMA. 

l^o. 133. 



UICLE JACK. 



NEW YORK: 
HAPPY HOURS COMPANY 

No. 5 BEEKMAN STREET. 



Arnold's Dutch Recitations and Readings. Price, 15 Cents. 

The Amateur's Guide to Home Theatricals. Trice, 25 Cents. 

Arnold's Dialogues, Plays and Speeches. Price, 30 Cents. 

How we Managed our Private Theatricals; or, A Guide to the Amateur Stage 

Price, 25 Cents. 
Parlor Tableaux; or. Animated Pictures. Price, 25 Cents. 
Shadow Pantomimes; or, Harlequin in The Shade. Price, 25 Cents. 



RECITERS, GUIDE BOOiS, ETC. 



Actor's Art, The, Price 15 cts. 

Amateur's Guide, The, Price 25 cts. 

Arnold's Dialogues, Plays and Speeches, Price 30 cts. 

Arnold's Dutch Recitations and Readings, Price 15 cts. 

Art of Public Speaking, The, Price 25 cts. 

Darkey Plays, six parts, Price, per part 30 cts. 

Drawing Room Magic, Price 30 cts. 

Elocution Without a Master, Price 15 cts. 

Evening Entertainments, Price 15 cts. 

Hand-Book of Elocution and Oratory, Price 30 cts. 

Holiday Guest, The, Price 10 cts. 

How to Join a Circus, Price 25 cts. 

How we Managed Our Private Theatricals, Price 25 cts. 

Little Plays for Little People, Price 30 cts. 

McBride's Comic Speeches and Recitations, Price 30 cts. 

McBride's Humorous Dialogues, Price 30 cts. 

McBride's Temperance Dialogues, Price 30 cts. 

Minstrel Gags and End Men's Hand-Book, Price 30 cts. 

Parlor Amusements for the Young Folks, Price 30 cts. 

Parlor Tableaux, Price 25 cts. 

Plays for Young People, Price 30 cts. 

Punch and Judy, Price 25 cts. 

Shadow Pantomimes, Price 25 cts. 

Shakespeare Proverbs, Price 25 cts. 

Speechiana, Price 30 cts. 

Stump Speaker, The, Price 15 cts. 

Either of the above will be sent by mail, on receipt of price, by 

HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, 

No. 5 Beekman Street, New York. 



■i 

UNCLE J ACK ; 



OE, 



TESTING HEAKTS, 



A COMEDIETTA, 



3n Q>ne ^ct. 



BY 

/ 
S . N . COOK, 

AUTHOR OF "the WANDERER'S RETURN," "BROKEN PROMISES," " OUT 
IN THE STREETS," ETC., ETC. 



COEBKCTLY PRINTED FROM THE PROMPTER'S COPT, WITH THE (^VST OF 

CHAKACTERS, COSTUMES, SCENE AND PROPERTY PLOTS, 1#ELA- 

TIVE POSITIONS OF TUJi: DRAMATIS PERSONiE, SIDES 

OF ENTRANCE AND EXIT, DISPOSITIONS 

OF CHARACTERS, ETC., ETC. 



NEW YORK : 

Copyright secured, 1879, by 

HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, 

No. 5 B K E K M A N STREET. 



1 



^1 



^^fc^ 



UNCLE JACK; 

OB, 

TESTING HEAKTS. 



DRAMATIS PERSON .E. 



Mr, Charles Montgomery, ("A IVealthy Merchant). 
Jack Fenton, (Named Old Jack — From the IVestJ, . . 
Constable Stubbs 

Mrs. Charles Montgomery 

M A RTH A Bla ke, (Her Poor Sister) 

Widow McGill 

Nancy Mahoney 

• Children, &'c. 



COSTUMES. 

Mr. C. Montgomery. — Black frock coat, pants, and vest ; stiff white neckcloth. 
yack Fenton. — Large pea jacket; blue woolen shirt; red neckerchief; pants 
tucked into boots; large felt hat. 
Constable Stubbs. — Ordinary. 

Mrs. C. Montgomery. — Grey silk, high in the neck ; small collar ; cuffs. 
Martha Blake — Plain brown dress ; black shawl ; bonnet ; &c. 
Widow McGill — Flowered silk ; showy dress ; hat ; &c. 

Nancy Mahoney. — Servants' print dress, with sleeves roliCd up; apron; bonnet, 
and shawl, &c ; red shod wig ; cap. 
Children.—Poor dresses. 



UNCLE JACK. 



ill 



PROPERTIES 



Scene I. — Two tables, with covers on each, placed R. and L. of stage. Chairs. 
Carpet down. Large mirror on flat. Easy chairs R c. and l.C Books and lamps 
on R. table. Handbell on R. table. Long broom for Nancy. . An old-fashioned, and 
well-filled carpet-sack for Jack. Jiank-check. Thick cane for Jack. 'Large, well- 
filled pocket-book for Jack, 

SCE.ME II.— Nil 

Scene IlL — Plain table, i,.c. Five old chairs. One stool. Three or four odd 
plates (empty) on table. A pitcher, two glasses, (all empty) knives and forks. One 
or two old crusts of bread on table. Ladies' market-basket, covered over, supposed 
to be filled with provisions. 

Scene IV.— Nil. 

Scene V. — Furniture same as in Scene I. An old hair trunk for Nancy. Dis- 
tress paper for Stubbs. 



Scene I. — 



SCENES 

Interior Backing. 



O . 

Chair 



O I I o . 

Chair Centre iJoor Chair 



oCJo 

Chair Table Easy Chair 



OL 



Easy Chair Table Chair 



O. 

Chair 



i 




Centre-Door Chamber in third grooves, backed by interior. Doors S.E.R. and 
S.E.L. 



Scene II.— A Front Suect 



IV 



UNCLE JACK. 



Scene 111.— • 



Exterior Backing. 





o L 1 o 

i« Chair Door Chair 


VV indow 




:^ 


o 


o 


cCZUo 




Stool 


Chair Table Chair 




Kitchen in third grooves. Window, k.f., und door, L.F. ; both to open. Fire- 
place, U.E.R., with empty grate. 

Scene IV. — A Front Street — Same as Scene II. 

Scene V. — Same as Scene I. 



EXPLANATION OF THE STAGE DIRECTIONS. 



R., means first entrance right, and right. L., first entrance left, and left. S.E.R., 
second entrance right. S.E.L., second entrance left. T.E.R., third entrance right. 
T.E.L., third entrance left. F.E.R., fourth entrance right. F.E L., fourth entrance 
letft. U.E.R., upper entrance right. U.E.L., upper entrance left. R.F., right flat. 
I..F., left flat. R.C., right of centre. L.C., left of centre. C, centre. CD., centre 
doors. C.R.. centre towards right. C.L., centre towards left. Observing you are 
supposed to face the audience. 



UNCLE JACK; 



OB, 



TESTING HEARTS 



Scene I.—Cenlre-Door Chamher, backed by Lderior. Doors s.e.r 
and a.ii.L. 

Mks. Chaeles Montgomery discovered seeded B.C., reading. Mr. 
Chaeles Montgomeey sealed l.c. 

Mr. Montgomery. No, Mrs. Moutgomeiy, no, indeed. I wish you 
distiuctly to uudei-staud, luudaui, thiit I Ciiuuot comply with your 
repeated deiuauds for niouey. It is moustrous ! Five dollars here, 
ten dollars thei"e, twenty-five somewhere else, and now fifty for some 
other extravagance. Do yoa take me for a Rothschild ? Absurd! 
But I cannot— I repeat it, I cannot — and what's more, I— will— not! 

Mrs. Montgomery. ( Very coolly.) Charles Montgomery, you cer- 
tainly beard me ? Did you understand me ? I said I must have a 
check for fifty dollars to-day. Did you understand- to-day ! 

( Continues re(idi)i(j. 

Mr. M. Ob, yes, I understand yon, Mrs. Montgomery, and 1 hope 
I expressed mysell with equal distinctness as not to be misunderstood 
by )-ou, madam ? 

Mrs. M. ( Angry and rising. ) It is useless, sir, to WiUite or bandy 



6 UNCLE JACK ; OB, 

words with yon. (Going up lo him, c.) Yon will oblige me, sir, by 
giving me the check immediately. No more words, please, but— do 
you hear — obey ! 

Mr. M. I camiot, I am short. There are lieavy liabilities pressing 
upon our firm, and, for the present, am compelled to refuse. There- 
fore, I camioi 1 

Mrs. M. But yon must ! M — u — s — t, must ! 

(Sits again, r.c, and reads. 

Mr. M. (Astonished, and looks at her.) And pray, what do you 
want with fifty dollars again to-day ? 

Mrs. M. I do not know that I am obliged to give a strict account 
to you, Mr. Montgomery — although you are my husband — of every 
cent I feel disposed to expend. It is sufficient for you io know, sir, 
that T »oaji< it. 

Mr. M. Very well, and it is sufficient for me to know, my dear, 
that you will not get it. ( Sir etches himself. 

Mrs. M, (Grxiffitj.) Mr. Montgomer}', what is the use of your 
arguing with me all day when I say that 1 am going to have it ? 
(Mr. Montgomery yawns — she 7'elaxes. and after a slight pause, 
speaks more plans ihly. ) Although I consider it to be none of your 
business so persistently to interfere with me in my little monetary 
arrangements, I conld inform you very quickly what I wanted to do 
with the money. (She rises, crosses to him, and wheedles.) The 
committee, dear, from our church are now soliciting money for the 
benefit of the poor and needy. Tliey will be here to-day, and I ex- 
pect, love, to give a larger amount than anyone else in the»church. 
You will not refuse me, I am sure !, (Places her arms round his 
neck.) You remember how beautifully the minister spoke last Sab- 
bath about it being the duty of the rich to administer to the wants of 
the poor, atid I think you should feel some pride in knowing that 
your own loving wife had given more than anyone else. 

Mr. M. (Disengages himself from heremhrace — he huighs heartily. ) 
Very worthy motives, indeed! /furnish the money, and yon get the 
credit for it ! Not bad ! Ha, ha ! If there is such a thing as buj'- 
ing up a good stock of religion, and keeping it on hand, wife, you 
would get it — that is, as long as my money lusted. But, I am afraid, 
yen possess but very little of that other kind of religion which, you 
seem to me, to affect to admire so much. 

Mrs. M. (Anyry, and walking r.c.) Yon are a good one to 
preach to me about religion, aren't you ? You, who never even read 
u prayer with me, in your life, in church. 

Mr. M. (Rises, and resumes his laughter. ) No, nor could I tell 
whether Flora McFlimsy, who sat immediately in front of both of us, 
wore a new bonnet every Sunday, or not ! Oh, wile, there are many 
little short-comings of that kind that I am guilty of. ( Going to doo7\ 
s.E.u) But I'll have the check ready for you*. It would be perfectly 
awful to interfere with purposes so noble. (Exit s. e.l. 

Mrs. M. When one tries to do a good act, they never get any 



TESTING HEARTS, ? 

/- 

credit for it. (Sits at R.c. table — rings bell and calls.) Bridget 
Bridget ! 

Nancy. ( Without, c.) Comin', mam, comin' ! 

Mrs. M. Well, then, come directly, I waut you. 

Enter Nancy Mahoney. c. door — she yawns and stretches herself— she 
carries a broom in her hand, 

Mrs. M. Bridget, I want you. 

Nancy. Stop, mam, if you plaze. I've been here wid you now 
jis' one wake, and you will allers after callin' me names. Sbnre, my 
name ain't, Bridget. I don't come from that part of Ireland at all. 
My name's Nancy, mam, Nancy Mahoney, and more power to ye ! 

Mrs. M. Well, Bridget, or Nancy— it's all the same, so that I can 
make you understand — what is wanted from you ? 

Nancy. What, mam ! Shure, it's not for the likes o' me to hear 
mysel' called a Bridget, when I'm a full-blooded Nancy. Nancy 
Mahoney from Bulibriggan, descended from the ancient Balibriggaus 
of dear ould Ireland — my native country, and it's my native name, 
and mj' native 

Mrs. M, (Slops her.) Be quiet ! Nancy, then 

Nancy. Yes, mam, I'll be quiet, and I won't spake another woidl 
Not another word— not one more, if I die for it, for I'm a Mahoney 
from Balibriggan. 

M7S. M. Nanc5% do be quiet, will you ? You have no idea how 
trying it is to one's nerves to have a voluble servant. 

Nancy. Valuable servant, is it? ( Pleased— strxds. ) Shure, and 
I am! It's Nancy that allers tries to make herself valuable to them 
she works for, and Nancy Mahoney of Balibriggan, descended from 
the ancient Balibriggaus of dear ould— (Mrs. Montgomery stops her) 
— well, mam, is a girl as works, and does her work well, and more 
power to ye ; and she don't hevno cousins nor other fellersa folleriu' 
her, an' a eatiu' up the preserves when the family's a-bed an' asleep. 
No, no, you bet! And though Nancy Mahoney is a servant, an' 
does her work well when she begins at it, an' goes on at it, an' after- 
wards fiiiisheg it, Nancy Mahoney ain't no nigger for all that, you 
bet ! (Stamps her foot down, 

Mrs. M. Can I have your attention for a few moments ? 

Nancy. Shure, you can, mam, if you axes for it, and so perlitel)', 
and I won't say another word. 

Mrs. M. Nancy, I said voluble servant, not valuable. And you 
will plense remember that you are here to obey my orders, not to 
talk me to death. 

Nancy. Dear, oh, dear, you are the first lady, mam, that ever said 
that Nancy Mahoney from Balibriggan was a talker, or any of her 
family before her, for the Mahoueys of Balibriggan, fair, dear, 
ould 

Mrs. M. Never mind, Balibriggan, but listen to me I (Sees tli^ 



8 tNCLE JACK ; OR, 

hroom in her hand.) What are you doing with that broom? Snrely 
you have fiuished your sweeping ? It ia late. Have you been lazy? 
You are not afraid of work, Nancy? 

Nancy. Afraid, is it? Div — (checks herself )—son'y a bit, mara. 
I'm so much afraid of it, I'd lay me dowu aud slape alougside of 
it. 

Mrs. M. Well, get you work 'fiuished, aud put that broom away, 
and dou't be flourishing it about iu that absurd mauuer. You may 
take my head off. (Nancy stops.) That's right, rest quiet, Nancy, 
for you are a woman of peace. 

Nancy, Pace, is it? Badses! (Aside.) If any man only called 
me a woman of pace, I'd— d murder him ! 

Mrs. M. (Rising ayid going u. ) Now, Nauc3% I want you to be 
very particular whom you admit to-day. Onr church committee will 
call, aud it is only out cliurch committee I will see. Therefore, 
when they come you wtU admit them, but I will not be at home to 
callers. ( Exit 9,.^E..^^. 

Nancy. Not at home to callers, is it ? Aud it's Nancy Mahoney 
that can do the lyiu' for her, is it? Well, well, we'll see! 1 was 
never raised to do other people's lyin' for them. It's agaiusi toa 
blood of the Mahoney's of Balibriggau! All of us has got enough to 
do to do our own. Well, now, before the committee come, I'll sit me 
dowu here, aud rade the love-letter I jus' got from my married sister, 
Piitsie, all across the big salt water ocean, from Balibriggau, in ould 
Ireland. (Sits, takes out letter, reads.) "My dear Naucy — Moiher 
sends you six sovereigns to help you along in a strange country, wid- 
out my knowledge ; but, for fear you might not use it wisely — being 
so young and inexperienced — I have kept back half for me own use, 
and only send you three!" (Speaks.) Och, what a blessing it is to 
have a mother, and a dear sister, who troubles herself about the 
absent one. (Reads.) ''Your mother and I are quite well, except 
that your little sister has got the measles, whicli we think would 
spread among the other Mahoney girls and the pigs, if Jim had not 
had it before, aud he is the only one left. Father says if you don't 
get along iu America, you are an ass ; and your mother and myself 
remain, your affectionate parentp, the Mahoneys." 

Enter Martha. Blake, c. door. 

Nancy. Power of love, who is this ? (Curtsies.) Are you one of 
the committe, mam ? 

Martha, (l.) One of the committee? I do not understand 
you. 

Nancy, (r.) Why, there's a committee to get money for the poor 
a-coniin' here to-day. 

Martha. I have come to- get money for the poor. 

Nancy. Oh, yes, that's it. The madam, she's lookin' for you, 
mam. Excuse me, but I'll go and get her. Nancy Mahoney is a 



TESTING HEARTS. 9 

girl of experience as understands her business, and there's no one 
calls here to-day, not a blessed one, only iheui us is ou the coni- 
xnittee. ( Ki- it s.K.ii. 

Martha. I fear the poor girl does not understand. She does not 
know that the poor that I seek aid for are the little children belong- 
ing to my o\vu family. 

Elder Mrs. Montgomery, s.E.B.,/oZ/oioed by Nancy. 

Martha. Sister ! 

(liims to embrace Mrs. Montgomery, but stops suddeyily, as 
Mrs. Montgomery luryis aside from her. 

Nancy. (Aside.) She don't seem to know the committee! 

Afrs. M. (Aside.) Martha BluUe ! What brings her here, I 
M'onder? Money, I suppose? (Whispering awjrily to Nancy.) 
Nancy! (Nancy starts.) I thought you told ma the committee 
were waiting here ? 

Nancy. Well, there's your committee ! ( Points to 'Mns. Blk^^e.) 
TJgh, it's no use you a tossing your head up and down like that. If 
that committee isn't good enough for you, I suppose you want me 
for to go and make you one? 

Mrs. M. (A)i(pily.) Leave the room, girl. 

Nancy. (Aside.) Pugh ! Puttiu' on style and airs, and tryin* to 
Bliow off afore the committee ! (Bounces out c. door. 

Mrs. M. Martha, why do you persist in coming here? Are you 
not aware that your presence is embarrassing to me, particularly if 
any of my friends were to come, and wisness our interview ? 

Martha. (Sighs.) I remember when my presence did not em- 
barrass you, my only sister. I dislike to speak of it, because it 
seems selfish in me, but I cannot help doing so. Oh, sister, dear 
sister, think of the days when we were girls, playing together in the 
old homestead, and of the time when you were sick so long, and the 
sister, whom you now seem to despise, was the only one that could 
cool the brow so fevered. During all the days and nights that I sat 
at your bedside, watching over you and administering to your com- 
forts, you did then —no — not once complain that my presence em- 
barrassed you there ! 

Mrs. M. (Coldly.) You have said enough, Martha. That stor.v, 
I guess, is simply a prelude to your usual request, or, I may saj', 
equal to a demand — it is the old tale, I suppose — money ! 

Martha. (Struggling with her feelings.) I must confess, I have 
come to solicit aid, for you must know how desperate are my needs. 
That I should come to the sister who despises me, to ask for money 
is revolting to my feelings, but I have to do it, for the sake of my 
dear little ones ! (EatreatingJy. ) Oh, a little money to keep my 
children from suffering for food ? 

Mrs. M. I am sorry that encb is the case. Believe me, but Mr. 
Montgomery, my husband, complains of hard time^ ajid -it is with 
difficulty I can get enough to supply my own" wants. 



10 UNCLE JACK ; OB, 

Martha. But yon can spare nie a trifle ? Jn«t Ibis once, and I 
will never — no, never— ask yon niore ! One dollar only! Think 
how little sncli a sum would be to yon, and think how many little 
nourishments it would purchase for my little oiies? Oh, sisttr, you 
won't refuse. I pray you ! ( Weeping. 

Mrs. M. There, there ! I do not want a scene here. I am not 
in the habit of shedding tears myself, and I do not consider it much 
of an accomplishment. ( Uses smeUhuj s<tUs. 

Martlia. No, you do not shed tears now, but if you were in my 
circumstances you would ! You woidd shed them then and many 
bitter ones, if you had to work for every morsel you ate, and that 
work, which you depended upd^, failed you in your hour of need, 
and you heard your children crying aloud for bread, and found your 
only sister treating you with scorn because you were poor. Then 
you would shed tears— bitter, hot, scalding tears — as I have done, 
and shall again. You do not act now like the sister I used to love in 
the old homestead, when father and mother were alive ! Ah, you 
loved me then,. sister, and what has changed that love? I will tell 
you. Money — the love of money ! I know the need of it, to my 
sorrow, but greatly as I want it now, if I thought it would make 
me so cold aud'selfish, as I find it Ims you, I would prefer my present 
poverty, knowing that in His good time I shall go to that home 
M'here there is no cold, no hunger, no sorrow, no tears, but where all 
is liappiness, and love ! ( Weeps, 

Mrs. M. Tnis interview has lasted long enough. (Curtsies 
coldly.) You are at liberty to retire, Mrs. Blake. 

Murlha. I will go. I need to be ordered from my sister's house 
but once. (Curtsies in the same manner, and goes up, c.) The time: 
will come when you will be sorry for this act. Think to-day whenj 
you sit around your table loaded with every delicacy wealth can pur-I 
chase, think of your sister, Martha Blake, and her loved little ones.] 
Those little ones who have only crusts to eat around our table. But,! 
rest assured, that I, your sister, will never ask aid from j'ou agaiu. 

( Exit c. door.] 

Mr.^. M. Oh, dear, one must be forever anno3'ed by poor relations! 
I shall give that girl particular orders not to admit anyone but the 
committee. (Exit S.E.E. Jack Fjcnton sings without, c. door,\ 

The heart will beat and throb. 
And the liver jump and bob, 

While the eyes in frenzy are a rolling.^ 
Then a fellow feels like death, 
And can hardly get his breath ; 

It seems as if a dozen belLs were tolling ! 3 

Enter Jack Fknton, c. door, while singing the last Une.\ 
Jack. ( Throwing down an old-fashioned and well-filled cai-peUsach 



TESTINa HEARTS. 11 



—he langlis heartily.) And that's just liow a feiler feels ns has been 
iu love. And I ha' been in love— in love for the old home and the 
loved faces in that home! (Looks around.) Wal, now, things is 
fine here, ain't they? Lot', what grand fnrni-ture, snre-ly. ( tSits 
on a spring chair— jumps up suddenly. ) Hohl on, thar, hold ou, 
don't shoot! ( Looks— laughs— then feels the cusJdon of the chair.) 
"What gimcrack things air these ? I ain't seen anything like this 'ere 
out West, nor on board ship. And what do they call this 'ere 
(Treads.) A carpet, eh? (Shakes his head.) Ah, we don't use 
any o' these 'ere things at the diggins. (Laughs and looks round. ) 
An' this is Eosy's house, is it? Whar air they? Don't seem to be 
any ou 'em at home. I could hardly get in at fust. Front door was 
locked, but I found a side door ail right, an' I sailed iu. I 'spect 
thar won't any of 'eiu know me. Twenty years changes a man 
amaziu'. They wur jest little girls when 1 left home. Oh, I wur a 
pikiu' them daj's. It wur a miglity big crop of wild oats as I sowed 
then. (Goes to mirror.) Pnrty fine lookin'-glass thar ar. Gosh, 
don't I look rough. Sister Kosy will think it's the 8ame old pill 
come back here on a jamboree. Thar's none of 'em lieerd of my 
streak of luck, an' won't it make their eyes bug out when I show 'em 
the receipts, or what you call 'em. ( Shakes his sides with .suppressed 
laughter and Jtolds them. ) I kinder enjoy this. I'll pertend I'm poor, 
jest to S9e how it'll strike 'em. 

Elder Nancy Mahonet, suddenly, c. door — she starts at seeing Jack. 

Nancy. Bad ses to ye ! Who are ye ? What d'ye want ? And 
how did ye get in ? Are ye one of the committee ? 

Jack. Eem what? ^numittee? Wal, I hev come here to stay, 
I don't know as you would call me a A;e77inuttee ! Do I look like h 
kemmittee? (Laughs. 

Nancy. Who are you anyway, you bogtrotter, you Jack-o'-lan- 
tern ! 

Jack. No, I'm no Jack-o'-lantern, I'm only Jack Fenton. That's 
who I am. Who are you ? 

Nancy. Who am I? I'm Nancy Mahoney from Balibriggan, Ire- 
land, so I am. 

Jack. Nancy Mahoney, my jewel, how do yon do ? Shake ! (He 
holds out his hand— they shake hands.) You are a likely-lookin' gal 
enough. (He turns her roiaid, and admires her — aside. ) Her head's 
all in a blaze. You're stayin' here, are you, my honey ? 

Nancy. You bet I am. But what do you want here, for you're not 
stuying'here? If you're wanting a place, you'll not get one, for they 
don't want any more hired servants, so they don't ! 

Jack. They don't? (Laughs.) Wal, now, sis, do you think the 
old man wants to hire out as a servant? Do I look like a ser- 
vant? 



12 UNCLE JACK ; OB, 

Nancy. I don't know what else you do look like, though j^oii 
wouldn't amount to much for that by the build of you ! 

Jack. You don't know me ! Did you uever-hear Mrs. Montgomery 
speak of her brother ? 

Nancy. iShe only said to-day as how she uad a brother as died out 
West. 

Jack. Did her eyes m'isteu and look sad when she spoke of 
him ? 

Nancy. Did they what ? Ugh ! Git out o' that ! "What are you 
givin' us ? 

Jack. Did she cry? 

Nancy. The divil a bit ! I guess he was one o' those wild una 
she didn't feel very proud of. 

Jack. You don't say ! 

Nancy. (Imitates him.) Yes, I do! Are you from the "West, 
young man? "Young man, go West !" (Laughs, 

Jack. I am from the West, and no error ! 

Nancy. Did you know her brother ? 

Jack. I did ! Ah ! (shjhs) he used to be a wild cuss ! 

Nancy. They say he was a bad egg ! But he's dead and gone 
now, I s'pose ? 

Jack. Not eggsactly! (Laughs.) I happen to be that indi- 
vidual ! 

Nancy. What, you? You, her brother? And you're not dead? 
Then why ain't you dead ? (Finches tiini. 

Jack. Ha, ha ! Satisfy yourself on that p'int, feel all over me, 
sis, and you'll find I'm not altogether spiritual. 

Nancy. Now that bates the world. And you are her brother, and 
you've come back, and never told 'em you wasn't dead. But if you 
were dead, why didn't yon write? Ha, ha, ha, ha! This is just 
like my ould Uncle Ebinezer of Balibriggan. He was a Mahoney 
from Balibriggan, descended from the ancient Balibnggans, near 
Balibriggan castle in dear ould Ireland, my native country, and you 
must know that's my native name, so it is. I am Nancy Mahoney 

from Balibriggan, descended from the ancient Balibrig 

(Jack laughs, with his back to her, during this. 

Mns. Montgomery, followed by Mr. Montgomery, have entered during 
the a^oue, from s.e.r. Mrs. Montgomery interrupts Nancy in her 
description, who looks up surprised. 

Mrs. M. ( Poiiding to c.) Leave the room ! 
Na)icy. (Aside.) In other words, "git!" (Aloud to Mrs. 
Montgomery.) I git ! (Mcitc. 

Mr, M. (R.C.) Here is your check ! 

(Handing the check to Mrs. Montgomery — he sees Jack, l., 
wlio turns— M-RH. Montgomery, c. 
Jdck» (Aside. J Two checks, we might say! (Aloud.) How 



TESTIKG HEARTS. 13 

d'ye do, boj' and gal ? Snakes, don't know me ? I'll perceed to in- 
terjnce u)ywelf! Jack Fentou, from Calavaras, ladies aud gentle- 

11161). 

Mm. M. (Aside.) Brother Jack ! Oli, horrors ! 

Mr. M. (Bows coldly.) Mv. Feuton, happy to meet yon, sir. 

Jack. (Stares at them with both hands in his pockets. ) Ain't you 
though ! You both look like it ! (Laughs. ) I've seed men look 
jes' as happy as you that was goiu' to be "hung! Wal, sister Mont- 
gomery, how are you ? Shake ! (He seizes Jiold of her liand, shakes 
it, and nearly icrings it off.) Wasn't expectin' to see the old boy jes' 
yet, was you ? 

Mrs. M. No, we thought you were dead. (Shakes her hand — 
aside, ) 0-h ! 

Jack. Yas! But I don't feel like a dead un, do I ? You hain't 
been a weariu' mournin' for me, I reckon ? 

Mr. M. When did you return, Mr. Teuton? 

Jack. Wal, I jest drapt in to-day. 

Mrs. M. And— and — where is your home now. 

Jack. Just wharever I set my carpet-sack down. Here 'tis^ y'see ! 
I've been roughing it for some time now, and I am going to spend 
the rest of my days with my sisters, Patty and Rosy ! Eh, Rosy ? 

(Offers to shake hands again — site turns away. 

Mrs. M. Jack, I see by the looks of you tliat you've not made 
much improvement in your manners in the years tuat have passed. 
We may as well come to an understanding at once. Your sister 
Martha is very poor, and needs help. It is your duty to do all you 
can for her. Come now, be a man, get something to do for yourself, 
and help her. Make your home with her, for — much as it pains me 
to say it — it cannot be here. 

Jack. Ah, you don't want old Jack Fenton round here, then ? 

31rs. M. We cannot have you here, that is all. It is not conve- 
nient ! 

Jack. You say Martha is poor ? Don't you help her any ? 

3Irs. M. (Wincing.) Ah! We have assisted her, but you know 
we cannot be forever supporting Martha and her entire family. It 
is out o^ the question ! 

Jack. Ah ! You think J ought to help Martha then, do you ? 

Mrs. M. AVell, I think you should do your best. Don't you 
consider it your duty to do so ? 

Jack. (With vigor.) Yas, I do, aud darn me, if I ai'n agoin' to 
do it ! 

Mrs. M. Hush, hush ! Don't swear ! 

Jack. Oh, darned to the swearing. It's my way, an' I allers do 
when I once get excited. It's the way we diggers have far out West. 
But, I am obleeged to you for your advice— good sisterly advice. 
Advice is the cheapest thing in the market, novv-a-days, only when 
you get it from the lawyers, aud then it's dear enough. But you've 
been liberal with your advice, and I'll take it. I will help Martha, 



14 UNCLE JACK ; OR, 

and rough fellow as I am, I'll try to make ber Imppy. I'm not 
wauted here, I can see that, but before 1 go I've a few words as I'm 
going to say afore parting, I see you're ashamed of your old brother. 
I see that as plain as the nose ou your fece. But, bless you, it ain't 
the old clothes that'll be the making of a good man. It's the heart ! 
t Strikes his breast. ) Well, it's all right, I suppose? I ain't agoiu' 
to trouble you— not I? Old Jack has been a piUe in his day — ou 
many a drunk, and in many a fight — but he'd never go back ou a pard 
in trouble, or a M'oinan in distress. You pertend to be a Christian, 
eh? (Ldnghs.J You go to your church, read your prayers, sigh, 
and moan, and groan, and look solemn ; give money for the heathen, 
make a spread of your charity abroad, but let your own sister starve 
to death — and not offer to help her — at home! Charity? Ha, La! 
Charity be darned ! C Snaps his fingers. ) That kind o' Charity don't 
conje from this caboose. (Strikes his breast. 

Mr. M. I will not listen to you talk to my wife in that manner, 
you fellow. 

Jack. All right, go out, then, where you can't hear ihefelloxo ! 

Mr. M. I shall eject you from the house, you ruffian ! 

Jack. Dang ye, try it on ! (Strips off his coat.) Lay a hand on 
me, and I'll crack your empty head with my cane. The fust thing 
you know you'll get me mad, and there will be — something to pay. 
Old Jack is ngoin'. (Goes up c. ) He's agoin' to help Martha. 
Mark that down. Two hundred thousand dollars will go a good 
ways in an economical famil}', and that's what old Jack can show the 
documents for any day. Ha, ha ! It ain't all down on paper either. 
Jest you stub your toe agin that carpet-sack ? (Kicks it. 

Mr. M. Two hundred thousand ? Why, Mr. Fenton — my dear 
brother ! 

Jack. Oh, bother! 

Mrs. M. But, Jack, dear Jack ! Don't you see ? 

Jack. Oh, fiddlededee! Well, I s'pose I can stay now? Ob, no! 
I fixed up in these old duds a purpose, to try my friends. These are 
the scales as 1 take to weigh my friends. Old clothes in one scale — 
(Kicks Uie s(ick) — friends in t'other. (Shows a large and xoell-filled 
pocket-book.) And the fust friends I weighed flew up darned quick. 

( Going c. 

Mrs. M. (R.c. ) But Jack, we did not know — we supposed. 

Jack. (At back, c.) Yes, you supposed — wal, you know now, 
and you don't need to be fixin' it up. Jest save j'our soft-soap. You 
gave me my walkin' papers once, and now I'll keep 'em. I leave 
Kosy here — (Fobds to Mks. Montgomery) — and I'm goin' to sister 
Patty there ! 

(Points off, c. Mb. and Mrs. Montgomery, r.o. Tableau. 
Closed in. 



TESTING HEAUTS. 13 

Scene 11. — A Front Slreet, 
Jack Fenton slug a without, i.., the nigger melody—, 

*'^ly father he bongl)t a bottle of giu, 
Oi snp;ar hed u pound. 
He bought a spoon to mix it in, 
And a bowl to stir it round." 

E tiers laughing, L., carrying his sack, which he throws down c. of 
stage, and then falls sitting upon it. 

Jack. My old sack is getting too heavy, so together we'll take a 
rest. ( Laughs afresh. ) Only to think now, that the old man ims 
come all these niiles to see them ar gals — that one sister wouldn't ha' 
anything to do wi' him, or his old clothes, and his old sack ! Ha, ha, 
ha ! She's N. G. ( Winks. ) No gold for nary gal. No good ! 
(Laughs.) I wonder what they think of old Jack now? They'll 
say that I jjlayed it on 'em pretty fine. That I was awful cuunin'! 
It does hurt 'em to know that I struck pay dirt out thar, and that 
they kind of staved me off 'fore I made 'em know the particulars of 
the thing. Now we will see how Martha — my dear little Patty, as I 
allers called her — will take the old man's coming back. She wag 
always a little better natured than Eosa. (Rises, (md scralcJies his 
head.) And she used to talk to me awful solemn when I got full — 
talk to me solemn fust, and then she'd cry arter. Martba would 
cry and Kosa would scold ; but I always hated the cryin' wust. 
(Shoidders his sack. ) Wal, I shall soon see how she will receive the 
old man, and if it's the right kind of a reception, why I'll permote 
ber precuniary respects as it wur. (Sings. 

"I'se gwine away to leabe yon, 

Good-bye, Rosa mine ! (Looks of, i,. 

If yon git dar afoah I do. 
Oh, Gabriel, blow your horn ! (Exit b. 



Scene TIT. — A Poor Kitchen. Window, d;c. Door in -r. flat. Win- 
dow backed by e.vterior. Firepiece on u.e.b., empty grate. Sloio 
music at opening. 

Martha Blake, and her two Children, discovered seated near the empty 

grate. 

Child. Oh. mother, mother, I am so hungry ! 

Martha. My poor darlings, I cannot bear to see you suffer ; yet I 



16 UNCLE JACK ; OE, 

have notbiug to f^ive yon. Now we mnst either beg or starve. I 
can never ask your amit agaiu for help, she ordered me from her 
house, and h)oked upon me — yes, she looked upon her own sister — 
as a comuioii beggar. 

(Jack Fi-nxon sings xoithoni u.e.l., as before— ''My Father, &c." 
— at the end, lie opeiLS the loUuloio, and appears, lamjldng. 

Jack. Anybody at homa ? (Puis his head through windoio. ) 
What cheer, my heurty? Ah, not very good cheer here. Aud no 
one in-doors, that seems very hearty ! Never miud, I'll comfort you ! 
I see you ! (Aside.) I cuu do it, i've got the stuff ! 

(Shids window, 

Martha. Who can this be ? Run aud see, chikl ! 

(Jack opens door, B.F., and looks in. 

Jack. How de do, mam ? Can I come in? (Eiders.) Any eu- 
tertiiinmeut here for man aud beast? ( Throws down sack — aside.) 
Jack and his pack ! 

Martha. (Boxcing.) Will you be seated, sir? 

Jack. Wal, 1 don't keer if I do, for I'm mighty tired. Know me, 
mam? 

Martha. I. do not recognise yon, sir. I guess we are strangers ! 
(3 .Kv,K shakes his head. ) No? We have met before. Will you be 
kind enough to inlorm me where, aud why I am indebted for this 
call ? I have no desire to purchase anything. 

Jack. Ha, ha, ha ! You're not indebted at all, mam, and I ain't 
a pedlar. I never charge nothiu' for callin' on my rounds, mam ; 
and I want nothin' from you. But it seems you don't really know 
me, then ? 

Martha. I do not, sir. (Shakes her head. 

Jack. (li.c.) Well, now that's odd! Look at me, marm. 
Please, do ! ( Turns his hack to the audience and confronts her. ) 
Look me right square in the gills, marm. I mean the face. Ah! 
(Sighs.) You used to know Jack Fenton, didn't you ? 

Martha. (Eising, and excitedly.) Jack Fenton was my dear 
brother. 

Jack. Dear? Why he never cost you anything, did he ? 

Martha. No, no ! I mean— not in that way. But he was dear to 
me. I loved him dearly 1 

Jack. Did you though ? Wal, that's pleasant ! Yas, he often 
spoke of his sister, Martha— Patty, as he used to call her! (Sighs.) 
But that wur many years ago ! 

Martha. Yts, yes, I know ! Poor Jack is dead ! 

Jack. (Aside.) Is he? Wuth a good many dead nns yet, I 
reckon. ( Chuckles aside. 

Mirtlia. And you knew brother Jack, did yon, sir? 

Jack. You bet, I knew him. He was an old cuss, I tell you. I 
kuow'd him well. We war pards together. 

Martha, Sir, I want you to tell me of my poor brother, but you 



TESTING HEAKTS. 17 



must not speak of bim with disreqDect. Tell me of bis memory, but 
do not upbriiid bim lor bis past faults. 

Jack. Disrespect— upbraid bim ? You didu't know drunken old 
Jack Fenton, did you ? (His feelings almost giving roup. 

Martha. He was my brotber, sir. He bad bis faults, poor Jack 
bad, but no one bad a kinder beart. And be died tbere amou» 
strangers, no one to care for bim. Ob, if be could only bave come 
back to us. 

Jack, Would you really bave cared to see tbe old duffer ? 

Martha. (Angry.) Silence, sir ! Speak of my brotber witb re- 
spect, or leave my presence. 

jack. He said as bow bis sisters was botb asbanied of bim, but I 
guess you — yes, you — umst bave loved tlie cussed old 

Martha. Stop! (Pause — moved.) Loved bim ? Yes! He was 
always good, always kind to me ! He bad one fault, be— be 

Jack. He drank. 

3Iartha. Yes, poor Jack ; tbat was bis weakness. 

Jack. He's quit, sworn off. If be ain't, may I be 

Martha. Do uo talk so ! You know tbat poor brotber Jack is 
dead ! 

Jack. (Speaking quickly.) Lord, Martba, don't you know me? 
Don't you know tbat I am old Jack, your long-lost, supposed dead 
and gone brotber? 

Martlia. Ob, Jack, brotber, brotber ! Can it be? (Embrace. 

Jack. Are you so glad to see me, Martba ? 

Martha. You know I am. And bere -.we some strnngers wbo will 
be glad to see you, too ! Look, look, cljildren, bere is my dear, long 
absent brotber, your Uncle Jack ! 

( The (J)iildren riDi. and embrace him, calling him by name, 
which he returns — kissing them. 

Tack. Bless your little souls, bow do you do ? Put your little 
paws rigbt in tbar, (offers hand) and sbake. Ob, tbis is a different 
kind of a greeting tbaii I received at Montgomery's to-day. 

Martha. Have you been tbere. Jack, and were tbey glad to see 
you? 

Jack. (Langhing. ) If tbey wus, tbey bad a darned funny way o* 
sbowing it. Tbey — (Makth.v stops aim from swearing, and points to 
the children. ) Ob, ab ! Cbildren ? ( Claps his hand over his month. ) 
Wall, tbeu, sis, it didn't appear tbat way to me. Wben I told tbem 
tbat I'd come bome to spend tbe rest of my days witb my sisters, 
tbey said tbat I wasn't wanted tbar, and tbat I sbould make my 
bome witb you. And now, Martba, can you give old Jack a 
home? 

Ma.Uha. Yes, Jack. Altbougb I bave notbing to offer you — we 
are even suffering for food — yet your coming back bas cbeered me 
up, and we will try again, and work for one another ; and you sball 
Stay with us ! 



18 UNCLE JACK ; OR, 

Jack. (Laughs bolsterowitly. ) Hear the woman talk! We'll 
work lor one another! Ha, ha, ba ! 

Martha. Yes, Jack, we're so poor, and I have failed to get auy- 
tliiug to do whereby I C(niUl earn mouey. But 1 will try again. 

Jack. Martha, shut up, or you'll make me bawl like a buffaler 
bull, au' that'll be a caution, 1 can tell ye ! (Lawjhs.) I'll frighten 
you out of your senses, and the children out of the house! ( (Jitters 
her.) But come now, cheer up, sis; you'll not look for work, you 
won't. This day ends your sufferin' for food, this day begins a year 
of jubillee for you, never to end till they ring down the curtain of 
your life for good. 

Martha. (Excited.) Why, what do you mean, brother ? Speak! 

Jack. Yes, I will speak, and I mean thut I have enough for us 
all. Jes' you stub your toe agin that carpet-sack. (Kicks it and 
laughs. ) And that's only a little prospectus of what's to come. My 
hard life out thar in the diggiu's wur not fur nothin'. I struck paj'- 
dirt out thar big, and you and your children, Marth}', air a-goiu' to 
share it with me. I thought — wal, I knew — no one here had heerd 
of my streak of luck at them ar diggiu's, and I didn't calculate they 
Bhould, so I rigged myself up in these old duds, gal, just to see who 
my true friends war, and 1 found 'em, Martha, found them here — 
here, gal — where you had no food, no shelter, nothin' o' any kind to 
offer a long absent brother ! No, nothing but kindness. 

( Embrace. 

Martha. ( Wiping her eyes. ) Oh, this is happiness that I never 
expected to enjoy again on earth, (Tiie Children cry silently apart 
and together. ) And I can never be thankful enough to the Giver of 
every good gift for your safe return, dear brother, and this good for- 
tune to me and mine in time of direst need. 

Jack. That is jes' so, Martha. But here we stand palavering, 
and them ar childer a-wantin' something to eat all this while. How 
would turkey strike you as being some'ut good, and with oysters 
inside of that ar turkey, and celery, and cranberry sass outside to 
help it down with ? ( The Children rapidly brighten up, and display 
various bidications of joy at the mention of savory food. ) Lord, see 
them childer's eyes bug out, and them mouths water, when a feller 
only says turkey. (Laughs. ) Wall, these things air comical, ain't 
they ? Jack is commissary of this ar mess, and he's a-going to draw 
rations for the full regiment. If thar's any drays standin' round 
thar, (throws open the window) they'll get something to do now 
sudden, riglit off. 

Cldld. Are we going to have anything to eat, mother? 

Martha, Yes, my darlings, right away. 

Jack. And I a-talkiu' all this ar time, and them poor childer a- 
hollering for food. Here, sis, (takes out pocket-book ) take what you 
require out of that ar, and lay in a full stock. Let the little bars go 
m' ye. 'Twill make thar hearts jump to see you buying what is 



TESTING HEARTS. 19 



a-goin' to do them good. Mamum's goiu' to buy you a cake, 
childers. 

Cliildren. Oh, I'm so glad ! ( They clap ilielr hands— delighted. 

Marlka. Come with mamma, darlings, come aloug ! 

1^ ( The hoo Children take Martha's Jiand. 

Jack. That's jes'*so, Martha ! My heart is now a-jumpin' aloug- 
side o' the childer's, to know thai* is a likewise jnmpin'. jt does au 
old fellow's heart right good to see so much true happiness where 
thar has beeu so much poverty. (Martha ahoid to speak. J Thar, 
no words, till they've had some'ut to eat. (Martha Jmrries the chil- 
dren Old door R.F., first pressed by Jack. ) I am now jes' right along- 
side o' bein' happy. No fine coach, no fine house, no fine lurni-ture, 
nor chairs to sit down upon as thar was thar. (Indicating the other 
/lon.ve, and illustrating the silting doion ajresh in the spring-chair^ and 
luugldng oidright. ) But truth, love, and honesty among its inmates 
here, although humble, poor, and starving! But not for long. 
(Sees sack on floor. ) Snakes, how I'd like to stub my ar toe agin 
that carpet-sack. (Kicks it, and laughs. 

Enter Widow McGili., door r.f. 

Widoio McGill. Is Mrs. Blake not at home? Marcy on me, what 
a noisy laugh. Pardon me, mister, but are you 

Jack. I'm Jack Fenton, the long-absent and new-found brother of 
Mrs. Blake. "Who may you be ? No offence. 

Mrs. McG. None howsomdever! (Qarrulous.) I'm a friend of 
your sister's — poor, but honest, as the saying is — Parthenia McGill 
by name, Lictor as used to be, afore I married the late Peter McGill. 
Ah, my Peter ! He's gone to rest his soul, and I'm a forlorn widder 
in the absence of my poor dead and gone husband as used to be ! 

Jack. Old McGill's gone, eh ? 

Mrs. McG. Mr. McGill is at rest, sir, and is now quiet. (Sighs, 

Jack. You're struck the right sentiment thar, at last, old lady. 
There's lots of these ar married fellers 'ud give the best pair of boots 
they had to be at rest. 

3l7s. McG. (With dignity.) Mr. Fenton, my departed husband 
and myself lived very happily together. Those storms that wrecked 
so many hearts and homes had no effect on our shores. Calm and 
serene were the days we spent together, serene and calm were his 
closing hours. 

Jack. Pretty much the same feeliu' all through, eh. old lady ? 

Mrs, McG. 'Tis true he had the rheumatiz, wliich some people 
said was gout, and his pains at times wa.s awfnl, but his face wiis 
always placid, and his expression most .serene ! It was beautiful ! 

Jack. You don t say ! Ah! 

Mrs. McG. Yes, he was always tranquil, and when he felt the 
worst, I always felt the best, for I lidked to him, and my talking 
seemed to soothe him and calm his ruffled spirits ! 



20 UKCLii JA< K ; OB, 

J'ick. You dou't saj' ! Ah ! 

Mrs. McQ. You are a very ecceutric innu, Mr, Feuton. (Giggles.) 
But I dou't object, oh, dear, uo — 1 rather like it! 

Jack. I am a what, uiaui ? 

Mrs. McG. An odd man, sir. But you caunot nud^rstaud these 
little secrets of coujiigal bliss. You never were married ? 

Jack. I'm happy to state that I uever got iu that fix. 

Mrs. McO. Sir! You dou't kuow auy thing about it! The hap- 
piest days of my life were spent with my departed husband. We 
would talk of the early days of our life together, of his approaching 
departure, and our meeting again higher up far there where the bal- 
loons go to. 

Jack. (Laughs aside. ) Aud how did he take that ? 

Mrs. McO. "Well, he didn't take it at all. In fuct, he didn't like 
it. But I will not weary you with my story. You did not kuow the 
poor, dear man, and so 

Jack. Not during life ! But I've got a right smart acquaintance 
now with the old man since his death. (Laughs aside. 

Mrs. McG. He was not an old mun, sir. Only fort^'-oue when be 
departed, and went up in a balloon. I mean when he went above! 
He was four years my senior, and three years have passed away since 
that time. Oh, dear, it's so long, aud I feel so louc^'ome. (Sighs.) 
I do indeed, Mr. Fentou. 

Be-enter Maktha, door r.f., loilh a haskel filled ioith provisions. 

Martha. Has brother been entertaining yon, Mrs. McGill ? You've 
become acquainted in my absence, I perceive ? (Jack lauglis aside, 

Mrs. McO. He is a very eccentric man, do you kuow? 

Martha. Old l)achelor's generally are. ' (Laughs. 

Mrs. McG. Yet we got along very uicely, didn't Ave, Mr. Fentou? 

(Looks sideways at lum. 

Jack. Yes, cousiderin' 

Martha. Have 1 interrupted a pleasant tete-a-tete? Oh, I'm so 
sorry. 

3lrs. McG. Spare my feelings — pray do ! 

Jack. Heavens, yes, aud spare my feelings, too ! 

( Smothers a laugh aside. 

Martha. My brother is an uncivilized old bachelor, and to tell 
you, the pretty widow, he greatly needs a wife ! Take pity ! 

(Laughs. 

Jack. Martha, hav'n't I had it rough enough through life ? Don't 
you want the old man to rest in peace? 

Mrs. McG. I must leave you, Mrs. Blake. Your conversation 
quite overcomes me. (Simpers.) Mr. Blake, you appreciate the de- 
licateness of my situation. f Exit door it.F. 

Martha. There is your chance, Jack. 

Jack, Martha, no widders for me. They kuow too much. Their 



TESTING HEARTS. 21 

fnst husbands were all too good, and the second one allers suffers by 
— what I've called it — comparisons ! 

Ee-enter Mrs. McGill, door b.f. 

3Irs. McQ. 01), Mrs. Blake, Mrs. Blake ! (Excited. 

Marilia. Wbut's the matter? The children? 

Mrs. McG. No, nothing the matter with them. But your brother- 
in-law — your sister 

Martha. What of them? 

Jack. What of her ? Speak ! 

Mrs. McG. Ah, just like 'em. When they sow the whirlwind, 
this is how they reap the hurricane! (Riuis about J AVho'd ha' 
thougbt it? 

Jack. What's the matter ? Anybody hurt? 

3Irs. McG. Yes! 

Martha and Jack. (Toqeiher.) What, speak? 

Mrs. McG. Montgomery & Co. have gone up ! 

Jack. Busted ? 

Mrs. McG. Bnsted, like a balloon! I never did like them air 
balloons. They never did do nobody any good ! 

Jack. Surves him right ! Let him go ! 

Martha. No, no, don't say so. Jack. Bose is our sister. Two 
wrongs won't make one right. 

Jack. That's all well enough to preach, but not good enough to 
practice. How did they treat you ? 

Martha. Let us return good for evil, dear brother. Brotherly 
love, you know. ( Coaxes him. ) Come, come ! 

Jack. What would you have me do ? 

Martha. Save tliem. Jack. You can do it. 

J((ck. And suppose I say I won't ? 

Mrs. McG. Ah, but you ain't a-goin' to say it. For, if you do, 
you'll never go where my poor, dear, dead and gone husband is look- 
ing down upon us. ( Sings in a squeaky voicd. ) "Up in a balloon, 
boys." 

Martha. Do, Jack, for your own peace of mind. 

Jack. I'd lose mine to sacrifice theirs. 

Martha. For mine, then. Jack? Do, will you? 

Jack. ( Looks lovingly ai his sister.) Martha! 

Martha. And my little ones? Ah! 

Jack. That settles it ! Patty, you have got the best o' the old 
man. For your sake, and your little ones, I'll do anything. 

, (Shoulders his sack and goes up. 

Martha. Come along ! ( They exeunt door n.F. 

Mrs. McG. (Skips after ihem, singing.) "Up m a balloon, boys, 
&c." (Mcit after them, door ii.r. Closed in. 



Sa UNCLE JACK ; OB, 

Scene IV.— ^ Front Street. 
Enter Jack Fenton, ii., wUh carpet-sack, followed by Mabtha Blake. 

Jack. I'm goiii' uuder protest. What do I want to help them for, 
seeiu' how they've treated you ? 

Marlka. Let that go, Jack. By helping them you'll heap coals 
of fire upon their heads, aud make 'em repent. 

Jack. Ef I must, I hope the coals will scorch 'em like thunder ! 

Matiha. Tiiat is uot a good or Christian feeling, brother. 

Jack. You'll have to do all the Christiau business as is to be done 
in our family. I am nothing but an old heathen as don't soon forget 
a kick. 

Enter Mbs. McGill, e. , skipping over lo l. 

Martha. Mrs. McGill we are going to Montgomery's. Will you 
accompany us? 

Mrs. McO. Of course— yes! That's what I've come to do! 
(Sings.) *'Up in a balloon, boys!" 

Jack. They've busted, have they, with all their cussed pride? 
And they want old Jack to help 'em settle things up ? But I won't — 
I 

Martha. (Prevails upon him again. ) I feel that it is our duty to 
go to see them, now that they are in trouble. So do you, don't yon. 
Jack ? 

Jack. Come along, then, if you virant to do as you please, for you 
are doing as you please with nie ! But if you'd like to see the old 
njan straightenin' things up there, come, let us be goin' aud not 
stand gaping here in the street like a lot of foreigners tryin' to read 
signs. Come right along. We'll bring up the forlorn hope. 

(Exit Jack, niith sack, l., followed by Mautka. Mbs. McGill 
skips after them, singing. 



Scene V. — Same as Scene I. 
Enter Mr., and Mbs. MoNTGOMEsr, s.e.b. 

Mr. M. I see no way out, Rosa. We may make up oiy minds to 
Rscept as graciously as posiible what the fates have decreed for us. 
The blow has been sudden, but not altogether unanticipated. We 
are ruined ! 

Mrs. M. All that we have left to us, then, is our home ? 

Mr. M. We will not have even that ere long. 



TESTING HEAIITS. 23 

Mrs. M. Wb.v, CLarles, it is uot possible that we shall have to 
give up that, will we ? 

IJr. M. Yes, everything! Everythihg I have will have to go to 
satisfy the cliiims of our creditors. 

Mrs. M. 1 do uot uaderstaud it! How did this catastrophe 
occur? 

Mr. M. It is supposed tliat Lester Stuart decamped with a large 
amount which lately came due, This money, whicli he went after 
and should have returned with two days since, was to have been used 
in liquidating some heavy claims against us which had just fallen 
due also. Without this I was unable to meet those demands. The 
consequence is, we are gone, unless Stewert comes back to-day with 
the money. 

Mrs. M. And we must leave our home, discharge our servants, 
aud become regular nobodies once more. I cannot — will not — do it ! 

Enter Nancy Mahonet, c. door, carrying an old trunk. 

Nancy, (c, crying.) There's a couple of spalpeens below a-ham- 
meriug away at tlie knocker, an' the blackguards are wanting to get 
in, an' I don't want 'em in, an' I won't let 'em! Mr. Montgomery, 
sir, I am a good dacent girl, so I am, aud as I heerd a jabberin' that 
there was to be some movin' done, why, Nancy Muhoney packed her 
trtnik at once. But I ain't a-goin' to lave you, sir. For when you 
go this trunk goes with the rest o' the- luggage, for it isn't the likes of 
Nancy Mahoney ever to desert her colors in the hour of danger or 
distress. No, sir, and mam. Here's twenty-two dollars and twenty- 
five cents as I have saved up. It may help to git you out o* your 
trouble, so it may. Why, I'll lend it to you at a powerful sight less 
tban ten per cent. There's two dollars an' a shillin' comin' to me 
yet for Mages ; but niver mind that. You can strike a divvy, balance 
your books, an' call it square with Nancy. 

(Sets her trunk c. of stage. 

Mrs. M. Y'^ou are a good girl, Nancy, and shall have all that is 
coming to you, and although I thank you for your offer, your money 
would do me no good. We are sorry to part with you, but cannot 
help it! 

Nancy. Look here, Mr. Montgomery, sir, I am a girl as don't put 
on much style, nor I don't have much to sa}^ but when I'm wanted 
right bad, I can giuerally be counted on. There is my private effects 
and personal property in that trunk, and when you move out of this 
house, Nancy Malioney and her Balibriggau trunk goes out wid ye, 
so we do ! There ! ( Goes up. 

Enter Constable Stubbs, c. doo7'. 

Sinhhs. Mr. Montgoinery, I have come to levy ou your household 
goods not exempt by law. Here is my authority. (Shows papers, 
Mrs. M. (B.) Oh, dear, the disgrace. 



24 UNCLE JACK ; OB, 

3Ir. M. I do not blame you, sir, but whoever sent j'ou must have 
been a villain, in such sharp practice. 

Stuhbs. Oh, / am not to bluuie, but you AVill not move anything 
here, as I must take an inventory of this property. 

(Places Ins hand on Nance's trunk. 

Nancy. (Coming down suddenly from c, and seizing hzr trunk.) 
No, by Jabers, you don't. That little bit o' hair trimk property's 
mine, and if you come any o' j'our terrier funny business over that, 
I'll show you what a Nancy Mahoney, all the way from Balibriggan, 
can do for you? Take your hands off it, you spalpeen, or I'll nnir- 
der ye 1 (Drags her trunk away from him. 

Elder Martha Blake, c. door, persuading and half dragging in Jack 
FiiNTON. ]\Iii8. MuGiLL following, skipping, hut silent. 

Nancy. (Looks at 'Jack.) Ah, I knew he'd come. He's an old 
darlin', that's what he is, so he is ! 

Jack, (c, throioing down his sack.) Mr. Montgomery, once more 
I am a visitor as wasn't sent for. But I did not come to talk of the 
past, but to straighten things up for you. I've come to assume your 
liabilities, or whatever you may call 'em. (Beferring to Stubbs.) 
Who is this gentleman? 

Nancy, (r.c. ) It's Mr. Constable, that's come to levyander on 
things 'round here. I don't like to see girls too forward, but it 
wouldn't take much for me to give him a piece of my mind, an' all 
the way from Balibriggan. ( Strikes fist in palm (fi,. hand. 

Jack. Wal, thar's no levying to be done har. I'm standin' good 
for everything. 

Sluhh.s. (E.G.) I don't know you, and your appearance don't 
reoonunend you. 

Jack. Wal, if you've anything to say agin my appearance, my 
name is Jack Teuton. 

Stuhbs. That is nothing to me. You might be Jack Feuton, or 
Jack liobinson, or any other Jack-o'-Lantern. I am going to do my 
duty, 

jack. (Coolly.) Did you hear me drop a remark just now that 
there was no levyin' to be done ? 

Stuhbs. I heard you, but that don't make any difference, I told 
you, 

Jick. You concentrated essence of ignorance and impudence, if 
you touch one of those things, you'll hear something drop. 

Nuicy. And I'll stick him with a Balibriggnu pin ! 

(Makes the same motion. 

Stuhhs. I'll arrest you all for resistitig an officer of the law. 

Jack. You will? You'll phiy "Hail, Cohimby," won't you? 
What do you want of those things? If it's money you want, sing it 
out. How much is it? Mebbe you think I'm biowiu'? Just stub 
you toe agiu tnai carpet-sacis. 



TESTIKQ HEABTS. 85 



Mrs. McG. (Comes down l.c.) Come, Mr. Stnbbs, you know me. 
I can vouch for Mr. Feu ton ; he will do as he says. 

Stuhbs. All right, madam ; I don't want to make any trouble. 

(Ooesup'&.c. 

Jack. (Laughs. ) I'll bet two to one he's a widower ! 

Mrs. McG. Oh, Mr. Fenton ! 

Nancy. Mr. Feuton, you're my style of a man after all, so you 
are ; and if I was a gal as wanted to get married, old as you are, do 
you know I'd 

Jack. Wait till I asked you. 

Nancy. You bet ! (All laugh— She goes up b.o. 

Enter Bot, c. door, with a telegram— he gives it to Mb. Montoomeby* 

and i/ten exits. 

Mr. M. (Tearing away the envelopef and reading it.) Saved ^ 
saved ! 

Mrs. M. What is is it, husband ? 

Omnes. What is it?. 

Mr. M. A telegram from Lester. Everything is right, the firm is 
safe ! 

Jack. (Sadly.) Then ain't you busted up at all ? 

Mr. M. No, all is right, money is safe. Lester will be back to* 
night ! ( To Stubbs. ) Are you satisfied, sir ? Go back to those 
hungry creditors of mine, tell them their claims shall be attended to 
to-morrow. 

Stuhbs. With pleasure, sir. (Exit c. door. 

Jack. Martha, I can't do any good here ; I'm a-goin' 1 

Mr. M. Not yet, Mr. Feuton. Our treatment of you upon your 
return was not such as would lead us to expect aid from you. Al- 
though we do not now need what you have so kindly offered, yet 
from my heart I thank you. 

Jack. Don't thank me, Martha is the one. She's the Christian. 
There's no goodness about me. I would not have come, but for hei 
wheedling. 

Martha. Yes, you would. But let us not talk of that. We must 
forget and forgive, knowing that in the future we shall love each 
other so that the memories of the past shall fade away like an ugly 
dream. 

Mrs. M, Can you forgive the sister who so deeply wronged you ? 

Martha. The grave of the dead past is covered up. 

Jack. And the mantle of the dead is Cliarity. 

Mr. M. Mr. Fenton, I would be glad to have you one of the firm 
of Montgomery, Stewert & Co. 

Jack. (Shakes his head. ) I guess not. I'm set in my ways, and 
my ways ain't new-fangled nor fine. I'm thankful just now that your 
supposed difficulties, brother, have brought this family circle round 
again. (To Mb. and Mbs. Montoomebt.) You thought you were 



26 1TN0LB JACSC 

proud, but you were not. It was the false notions of society in 
wLich you mixed, which lent yon for the time artificial ways. Natiir*, 
natiu', sister Rosa, is tlie ouly sure thiug after all. I've tested'your 
hearts, and Auds tliem sound. Naucy of Balibriggan, and our good- 
natured widow — two friends in need— have proved friends indeed, 
having been tried in tlie scale and not found wanting ; whilst Martha 
here — (Shakes her hand heartily — much moved) — the least said, soon- 
est mended ! But this I must say ; I have probed your heart to the 
quick, dear girl, and I know how to treasure a jewel when I find one. 
Now let's away to supper, where we'll drink success to the diggins, 

this old sack (Kicks U» 

Martha, Aud *'XJucle Jackl" 



Disposition of Characters, \ 



Jack. Mabtha. h*. 



CUBTABf* 





THE A3X^TETJI^ JST^OE. 


PRICE 15 CENTS EACH. ! 


I Aladdin and the Wonder- 


21 Harlequin Little Red Rid- 


44 Mischievous Bob. 


ful Lamp. 


ing Hood. 


45 A Pint of Ale. 


2 The Loves of Little Bo- 


22 Fireside Diplomacy. 


46 The Last Drop. 


Peep and Little Boy Blue. 


23 Ingomar (Burlesque). 


47 The Wine Cup. 


3 Little Silver Hair and the 


24 Money Makes the Man. 


48 Out in the Streets. 


Three Bears. 


25 The Happy Dispatch. 


49 Mothers and Fathers. 


4 Robin Hood; or,the Merry 


26 An Eligible Situation. 


50 Taken In and Done For. 


Men of Sherwood Forest. 


27 The Pet Lamb. 


51 All's Fair in Love and War 


5 Little Red Riding Hood. 


28 The Last Lily. 


52 Dross from Gold. 


6 The Frog Prince. 


29 The Three Temptations. _ 


53 Aunt J erusha's Visit. 


7 Blue Beard; or. Female 


30 Katharine and Petruchio 


54 The Village Belle. 


Curiosity. 


(Burlesque). 


55 Lord Dundreary's Visit. 


8 Jack, the Giant Killer. 


31 His First Brief. 


56 My Peter. 


9 Two Gentlemen at Mivarts 


32 The Girls of the Period. 


57 The Cream of Love. 


ID Dark Deeds. 


33 Matched but not Mated. 


58 The Babes in the Wood. 


II Marry in Haste and Re- 


34 Penelope Anne. 


59 Closing of the " Eagle." 


pent at Leisure. 


35 A Woman will be a Wo- 


60 Don't Marry a Drunkard 


12 Wearing of the Green. 


man. 


to Reform Him. 


13 The Result of a Nap. 


36 Caught in His own Toils. 


61 Furnished Apartments. 


14 Monsieur Pierre. 


37 Cousin Florence. 


62 The Harvest Storm. 


15 Virtue Victorious. 


38 Lucy's Love Lesson. 


63 Maud's Command. 


16 Love (Burlesque). 


39 A Game of Billiards. 


64 Out of the Depths. 

65 The Poisoned Darkies. 


17 Afloat and Ashore. 


40 The Wrong Bottle. 


18 Tragedy Transmogrified. 


41 A Lyrical Lover. 


66 Ralph Coleman's Refor- 


19 Fairy Freaks. 


42 A Bad Temper. 


mation. 


20 A Medical Man. 

! THE E 


43 Women's Rights. 


67 Slighted Treasures. 


THioFi^rsr r 


P 


RICE 15 CENTS EAC] 


a. 


I Robert Make-Airs. 


38 lack's the Lad. 


75 Mysterious Stranger. 


1 2 Box and Cox. 


39 Othello. 


76 De Debbil and Dr. 


3 Mazeppa. 


40 Camille. 


Faustum. 


4 United States Mail. 


41 Nobody's Son. 


77 De Old Gum Game. 


5 The Coopers. 


42 Sports on a Lark. 


78 Hunk's Wedding Day. 


6 Old Dad's Cabin. 


43 Actor and Singer. 


79 De Octoroon. 


7 The Rival Lovers. 


44 Shylock. 


80 De Old Kentucky Home. 


8 The Sham Doctor. 


45 Quarrelsome Servants. 


81 Lucinda's Wedding. 


9 Jolly Millers. _ 


46 Haunted House. 


82 Mumbo Jum. 


10 Villikins and hisDinah. 


47 No Cure, No Pay. 

48 Fighting for the Union. 


83 De Creole Ball. 


II The Quack Doctor. 


84 Mishaps of Caesar Crum. 


12 The Mystic Spell. 


49 Hamlet the Dainty. 


85 Pete's Luck. 


13 The Black Statue. 


50 Corsican Twins. 


86 Pete and Ephraim. 


14 Uncle Jeff. 


51 Deaf— in a Horn, 


87 Tube Hawkins. 


15 The Mischievous Nigger. 


52 Challenge Dance. 


88 De Darkey's Dream. 


16 The Black Shoemaker. 


53 De Trouble begins at Nine 


89 Chris Johnson. 


17 The Magic Penny. 


54 Scenes at Gurney's. 


90 Scipio Africanus. 


' 18 The Wreck. 


55 16,000 Years Ago. 


91 De Ghost ob Bone Squash 


19 Oh Hush ; or. The Vir- 


56 Stage-struck Darkey. 


92 De Darkey Tragedian. 


ginny Cupids. 


57 Black Mail [Clothes. 


93 Possum Fat. 


20 The Portrait Painter. 


58 Highest Price for Old 


94 Dat Same Ole Coon. 


21 The Hop of Fashion. 


59 Howls from the Owl Train 


95 Popsey Dean. 


22 Bone Squash, 


60 Old Hunks. 


96 De Rival Mokes. 


23 The Virginia Mummy. 


61 The Three Black Smiths. 


97 Uncle Tom. 


24 Thieves at the Mill. 


62 Turkeys in Season. 


98 Desdemonum. 


25 Comedy of Errors. 


63 Juba. 


99 Up Head. [puncas. 


26 Les Miserables. 


64 ANightwidBrudderBones 


100 De Maid ob de Hunk- 


27 New Year's Calls. 


6^ Dixie. 


loi De Trail ob Blood. 


28 Troublesome Servant. 


66 King Cuffee. 


102 De Debbil and de Maiden 


29 Great Arrival. 


67 Old Zip Coon. 


103 De Cream ob Tenors. 


30 Rooms to Let. 


68 Cooney in de Hollow. 


104 Old Uncle Billy. 


31 Black Crook Burlesque. 


69 Porgyjoe. 


105 An Elephant on Ice. 


32 Ticket Taker. 


70 Gallusjake. 


106 A Manager m a Fix. 


33 Hypochondriac. 


71 De Coon Hunt. 


107 Bones at a Raffle. 


34 William Tell. 


72 Don Cato. 


108 Aunty Chloe. 


35 Rose Dale. 


73 Sambo's Return. 


109 Dancing Mad. 


36 Feast. 


74 Under de Kerosene. 


no Julianna Johnson. 


37 Fenian Spy. 






Either of the above w 


ill be sent by mail, on rece 


ipt of price, by 


3 


lAPPY HOURS 


COMPANY, 




No. 5 


Beekman Street, New York. 





THE AOTIIVGI 

PRICE 15 CENT 



LIBRARY OF CONGRCSS 



Single Life. 

Boarding School. 

The Spitfire. 

Irish Dragoon. 

School for Tigers, 

Gabrielle de Belle Isle. 

Tipperary Legacy. 

Deeds of Dreadful Note, 

A Peculiar Position. 

A Private Inquiry. 

I'll Tell Your Wife. 

Fast Family. 

Antony and Cleopatra 

Married and Settled. 
My Friend in the Straps, 
School for Scheming (Love 

and Money). 
Our Mary Anne. 
Miseries of Human Life. 
An Irish Engagement. 
How to Settle Accounts 

With Your Laundress. 
Advice Gratis. 
A Hasty Conclusion, 
Weak Points. 
Grace Darling. 
A Gray Mare. 
Middle Temple. 
The Original. 
The Sentinel. 
Tiger at Large. 
Why Did You Die? 
Sayings and Doings. 
Twin Brothers. 
Ask no Questions. 
Cure for Coquettes. 
Cabin Boy. 

Who Stole the Spoons ? 
Mrs. Gamps Tea and Turn 
Village Doctor. [Out. 

Family Pride. 
Queen Mary. 
Three Grocers. 
Race Ball. 
Presented at Court. 
A Sign of Affection. 
Dancing Barber. 
Who's Your Friend ? 
Charity. 

Wicked World. [Ing Well 
Mother and Child are Do- 



49 Lying in Ordinal 

50 The Ringdoves. 

51 Camille 

52 Lady Clancarty. 

53 Ten Nights in a I 

54 Drunkard's Warning. 

55 Fifteen Years of a Drunk- 

ard's Life. 

56 Fruits of the Wine Cup. 

57 Aunt Dinah's Pledge. 

58 Yankee Peddler. 

59 Vermont Wool Dealer. 

60 Persecuted Dutchman. 

61 Stage-Struck Yankee. 

62 The Limerick Boy(Paddy 

Miles Boy . 

63 Drunkard's Home. 

64 Bachelor's Bed-Room. 

65 Perfection(The Cork Leg). 

66 More Blunders Than One. 

67 Whisky Fiend. 

68 Quite at Home. 

69 Sir Dagobert and the 

70 Putting on Airs. [Dragon. 

71 A Slight Mistake. 

72 Patches and Powder. 

73 To Let, Furnished. 

74 The Lost Heir. 

75 Is the Man Mad? 

76 A Trip to Cambridge. 

77 Twenty and Forty. 

78 Hob-Nobbing. 

79 The Great Eastern. 

80 Three Guesses. 

81 Getting up in the World. 

82 Wardrobe. 

83 Generous Jew. 

84 A Crumpled Rose Leaf. 

85 Wild Flowers. [Ladies. 

86 Don't All Speak At Once, 

87 Woman Nature Will Out. 

88 Aunt Betsy's Beaux. 

89 Child of Circumstances. 

90 Women's Club. 

91 Shamrock. 

92 The Changelings. 

93 Society for doing good 

but Saying Bad. 

94 Matrim.ony. 

95 Refinement. 

96 Master-piece. 




016 115 999 



02 Love Master, Love Man. 

03 Inhuman, 

04 Champaigne. 

05 H. M. S. Pinafore. 

06 Family Pictures. 

07 Prison and Palace. 

08 The BailiflPs Daughter. 

09 La Cigale. 

ID Broken Promises. 

11 The Broken Seal. 

12 Betsy's Profile. 

13 Going Through Him. 

14 Male and Female. 

15 Thoughts before Marriage 

16 Diplomacy. 

17 Our Professor. 

18 Hurrah for Paris. 

19 Tittlebat a Father. 

20 Cross Purposes. 

21 Love to Music. 

22 Carried by Assault. 

23 The Locked Door. 

24 Those "Cussed" Waves. 

25 Masquerading for Two. 

26 The Love Flower. 

27 Oh, My Uncle! 

28 The Dawn of Love. 

29 Juliet's Love Letter. 

30 Bric-a-Brac. 

31 A Cousin to Them All. 

32 The Wanderer's Return. 

33 Uncle Jack. 

34 The Married Widows. 

35 Foresight; or. My Daugh- 
ter's Dowry. 

36 Muolo the Monkey. 

37 Too Windy for an Um- 
brella. 

38 Beauty and the Beast. 

39 Cinderella. 

40 Rosebud; or, the Sleeping 
Beauty. 

41 The Princess. 

42 Rumplestiltskin, 

43 Skinflint. 

44 One Must Maxry, 



THE T^AI«,IET^^ S!iTA.OE. 

PRICE 15 CENTS EACH. 



1 The Big Banana. 

2 Dot Mad Tog. 

3 A Gay Old Man Am I. 

4 The Law Allows it. 

5 A Leedle Misdake. 

6 The Spelling Match. 

7 There's Millions In It. 

8 Tootle, Tootle, Too 1 



9 Dot Madrimonial Adver- 
disement. 

10 Mulcahy's Cat. 

11 Dot Quied Lotgings. 

12 All in der Family. 

13 Who Got the Pig ? 

14 A Mad Astronomer. 

15 A Party Shyte Cure. 



16 I Love Your Wife. 

17 The Ould Man's Coat tails. 

18 The Decree of Divorce. 

19 Let Those Laugh WhoWin 

20 A Dark Noight's Business. 

21 The Lonely Polywog of 

the Mill Pond._ 

22 The Dutchman in Ireland. 



V 



Either of the above will be sent by mail, on receipt of price, by 

HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, 

No. 5 Beekman Street, New York. 



